My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
