remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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