It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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