Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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