I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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