OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
