Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
