I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
