my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
