Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
