you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
