I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
