he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize