so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize