Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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