first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
