I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
