How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
