He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
