remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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