we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
