Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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