you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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