Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
