working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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