woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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