i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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