We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
