god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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