They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
