pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
