Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
