shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
