Welp...herpes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
