end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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