"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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