I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
