1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize