Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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