Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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