Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
