Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
