You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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