dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
