I don't think brook has ever known best
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
