I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She said her name was "party"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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