Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
