I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
