I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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