I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
try to milk me bitch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize