My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
