he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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