Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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