How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
