Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
