I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
