My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
