I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
