I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
