Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
