K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
