I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
