I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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