you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
