remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
