she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
