this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
