i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
